Rina's Remembrance & Cancer Race for Research

Rina's Remembrance & Cancer Run/Walk will be held on Saturday, August 4, 2012, in Madison, WI. 


Race for Research (9:00 AM).  The University of Wisconsin is holding a 5K-run and 1- or 3-mile walk to benefit cancer research at the UW Carbone Cancer Center.  Please see their website for details about registration, time & location at http://connect.uwhealth.org/site/TR?fr_id=1120&pg=entry .  We will meet at the designated site at 8:30 AM (please see map via link for details).


Rina's Remembrance (2:30 PM).    The Remembrance will be held at the historic Gates of Heaven building in James Madison Park located at 302 E. Gorham Street, Madison, WI.  I've been told that parking in the immediate area is limited, so please plan ahead. 

If you are attending, please contact me by sending an email to 4selina.martin@gmail.com with the following information:


(1) Are you attending the Race for Research?
(2) Are you attending the Remembrance in the afternoon?(3) Do you have any special photographs to share at the Remembrance?
(4) Would you like to speak at the Remembrance?


Finally, I want to let you know that there is a specific fund set up in honor of Rina where donations can be made to the Carbone Cancer Center for cancer research.  Here is the link to that page http://connect.uwhealth.org/site/TR/Events/General?pg=fund&fr_id=1085&pxfid=1600. 


I hope to see you in August. 


Thanks,
Selina

Rina's Obituary

Ferdousi (Rina) Jamir Gramling

December 20, 1969 – April 4, 2012

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Ferdousi (Rina) Jamir Gramling, 42, died on April 4, 2012 less than 10 months after being diagnosed with cancer.  As with everything in her life, Rina applied all her courage and strength to fight this battle against cancer. She passed away at Beaumont Hospital in Troy, Michigan, surrounded by her mother, father, sister, and devoted loved ones. 

Rina was born on December 20, 1969 in Sylhet, Bangladesh, the daughter of Dr. Jamir Uddin and Mrs. Noorjahan Jamir. She grew up in Bangladesh until 1979 when she came to Platteville, Wisconsin at the age of 10.  Rina graduated from Platteville High School and later from the University of Wisconsin-Platteville with a B.S. in Chemistry.  She worked for several years in software engineering at AVISTA in Platteville.  Prior to her cancer diagnosis, she had been working for many years as a Software Project Manager for Duncan Solutions in Milwaukee, Wisconsin, where she traveled around the country to lead project implementations for customers. 

She was married in Bermuda in 1995 and the pride and joy of her entire life was her son, David Rafique Gramling.  Everyone who has met Rina knows about her love for David as she talked about him with such admiration & joy.  Rina paved her own road in life and took many adventures along the way.  In a 1984 trip to Bangladesh with her family, she generously helped to distribute food (by boat) to the poor and displaced after a historic and devastating flood.  From this effort, she contracted a life-threatening typhoid fever and spent a month in the hospital in London.  Her many other journeys included running marathons around the world including China, Jamaica & around the United States.  Rina also spent 6 months volunteering to help with research in the Galapagos Islands & Quito, Ecuador and the following year took her son David to the World Cup in Germany.  She loved all things nature - hiking, camping, rock climbing, biking and running.  She loved these things most when David was with her.  Rina was a role model for her son, sisters, nephews, nieces, friends’ children and many younger cousins in the U.S. and around the world.  She was generous, kind, fearless, always saw the good in everyone she met and never judged anyone. 

Rina is survived by her beloved son, David Rafique Gramling, her parents Dr. Jamir Uddin & Mrs. Noorjahan Jamir, sisters Selina Martin & Nadia Jamir Khan, nephews Russell & Elliott Martin and many aunts, uncles, cousins and beloved friends around the world. She is also survived by her maternal grandfather, Yakub Ali, living in Bangladesh.

In the Muslim tradition, prayer and funeral services were held within 24 hours of her death.  It was a beautiful and sunny day and local family & friends gathered to pray for Rina and bid farewell to one of the most beautiful souls that we will ever know.  Rina is laid to rest at White Chapel Memorial Cemetery in Troy, Michigan. 

This summer we will have a Remembrance for Rina to celebrate her beautiful life.  It will be held in Michigan or Wisconsin on the same weekend as a Cancer Walk/Run.  Details of the event will be posted on Rina’s Blog at http://ferdousis.blogspot.com/.  

Ferdousi (Rina) Jamir Gramling

December 20, 1969 - April 4, 2012


Our loving mother, daughter, sister, aunt, cousin, neice, grand-daughter and friend.  You are living in our hearts forever.

In the Muslim tradition, prayer and cemetery services are held within 24 hours of one's last breath.  It was a beautiful and sunny day and local family & friends gathered to pray for my sister and bid farewell to one of the most beautiful souls that I will ever know.  Rina is laid to rest at White Chapel Memorial Cemetery in Troy, Michigan.  There are so many dear friends and family (including our little sister Nadia) who could not be here.  This summer we will have a Remembrance for Rina to celebrate her amazing life.  Nadia & I would like to take time to plan this so that it will be held in Michigan or Wisconsin on the same weekend as a Cancer Walk/Run which we all can also take part in.  I think Rina would love this and I know she will be running right beside us. 

We will let you know the details for these events in the near future. 

Letting Go...

It's been said that at the end of life, sometimes a person hangs on longer than expected. It may be they don't want to go because they are waiting for someone or worried to leave someone behind. Last night my family spoke with Rina individually, starting with David, then Nadia on the phone from California, then me, Dad, and Mom. We told her that her son was in good hands and we would always care for him. We told her that she had been an amazing mother and taught him what he needed to be a good and happy person. We told Rina that we loved her beyond imagination and that she deserved the peace that is surely hers. We told her that she gave more to this world, her family and friends than could ever be expected of one person. We told her that she will live in all of us and that she should walk humbly but bravely into the peace.

Big Heart, Strong Heart

Last night the nurses commented, "It's very unusual for someone in this condition to last this long with such a high heart rate for five straight days.  She must have a very strong heart". 

My marathon runner sister doesn't just have a strong heart, she also has big heart. 

Until yesterday, the bulletin board in her hospital room stated this:

          Goal:  Comfort

Yesterday they changed it.  Here's what it says:



She's still fighting for her life today. May my sister find her peace.

Our senses

When we are in our mother's womb, our first sense that develops is our sense of hearing.  We hear our mother's and father's voices long before we are born and see the light of the world.  When we are nearing the end of our life, our sense of hearing is the last to go.  Rina's nurse Lucy said there are scientific studies that show this.  My sister can hear every word we say.  I am positive of this. 

Today I'm going to make sure that every family member and close friend that wants to have a few minutes to talk to Rina alone, can do so. 

Every day is a gift...

Rina made it through another night. Her blood pressure is dropping and her heart rate is still high. She has not woken up since Wednesday mid-day.  We all take turns talking to her and my aunts & uncles read verses from the Quran. I am a little envious of the feelings of comfort that faith seems to bring to everyone.  I'm having trouble finding comfort from faith right now. 

Yesterday they did not end up giving the blood transfusion because it would cause Rina more discomfort processing the transfusion.  My mom is now questioning so many things (if only they had done this or that....).  As a daughter, it frustrates me to hear her second-guessing everything.  As a mother I know exactly why she's doing it.

If you get a chance, read the "comment" that David posted to yesterday's blog update. He wrote a note to his mom that is so sweet and heart-breaking.  I read it to my sister this morning. I hope she heard her son's words of love.

I want to mention one more thing. Last night our little sister Nadia called from California. I put the phone to Rina's ears and Nadia talked to her. I could swear that she heard and understood everything. Nadia was just here for a visit and left only 9 days ago. She's in the last trimester of her pregnancy and in California with her husband. I know Nadia's heart is in Michigan right now. And our hearts are intertwined with hers across the miles. We're so glad she got to spend a week with Rina recently and all of us sisters got to be together.

I also want everyone to know that my Dad and I are sitting here with Rina. I just read all of the comments submitted by all of you on the blog. I know that she heard me.

Transitioning to Comfort Care

This morning Rina's white blood count is severely low.  She'll get a blood transfusion later today.  She's not awake but drifts in and out of a drug-induced sleep.  Her condition is worsening.  Beginning later today, the goal of her care will be strictly to keep her comfortable.  They will not take any more blood tests and her medications will be limited to pain medication and antibiotic (Vancomycin).  They've moved her into a suite to accomodate our large family/visitors.  David and I stayed overnight with her last night at the hospital and we finally got mom to go home and rest.  Yesterday, David & his dad spent some time alone with Rina talking to her and being a family.  Yesterday David sat with Rina alone as she slept and talked to her and played a song (Phil Collins "You'll be in my heart").  My mom & I saw them through the window in the door and broke down in tears.  He's being a brave boy right now.

Our Sister

Rina is not doing well. She's not able to talk other than a few words when she is awake. The strong pain medications are keeping her very sleepy. We hold her hand, rub her feet, pat her head. Comfort her in any way we can.

March 27, 2012

My family was told late this afternoon that my beloved sister Rina is in critical condition - she has anywhere from hours to perhaps days to perhaps weeks to live.  My heart aches for our David most of all.  May the angels unseen among us comfort my sister and my nephew and my parents and my sons and our entire family.  May God hear our cries and our prayers and deliver a miracle. 

Bacterial Infection - C. Diff

Ferdousi will be in the hospital for a few days at least.  Further tests show that she has a bacterial infection called C. Difficile (see http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/c-difficile/DS00736).  It causes some very uncomfortable and painful symptoms.  Today when the nurses asked her to rate her pain on a scale of 1 to 10, she didn't hesitate - it was a 10 she said.  This is the same bacterial infection that Ferdousi had in January/February and was hospitalized for in Minnesota.  She's receiving antibiotics and by the mercy of God will get better in a few days.  I feel so completely helpless being so far away - not being able to help my sister or my parents.  Please keep my sister in your prayers. 

Selina

In the hospital

Tonight Mom & Dad took my sister to the ER. She's been admitted to the hospital. X-rays show that Ferdousi has pneumonia. They are doing additional blood tests. We'll know those results tomorrow. Please pray for my sister.

Update on Ferdousi (by Selina)

Hi Everyone,

Last week we spent the week in Michigan with Ferdousi and my parents.  I'd like to give you an update on her condition.  When we got there the first day, I was so disappointed to see how weak and fragile she looked.  I was hoping to see my sister looking stronger than when she left Minnesota.  She had been feeling better the first two weeks in Michigan.  However, since the start of her chemo treatments in early March, she’s been dealing with all of the horrible side effects again.  The chemo treatments have changed in substance and frequency.  The combination of drugs is primarily made up of Erbitux & Irinotecan.  The frequency has changed from every two weeks (46-hours each) in Minnesota to every week (2-3 hours each) in Michigan. 

I was able to take Ferdousi to a chemo treatment, a cancer support group meeting and a doctor’s appointment in the week that we were there.  The nurses at the Infusion Center were very nice and the Oncology Fellow seemed very smart & competent and genuinely caring.  The cancer support group meeting was really an eye-opener for me.  What an amazing group of women – even with their tragic stories they all exuded hope and strength and so much affection and support for Ferdousi.

My sister is still 76 pounds but at least we are thankful that she’s not losing any more weight.  She’s eating regularly even though it is in very small amounts.  My mom and aunts are always cooking her favorite foods but it’s sad for everyone when she can only eat a little bit of it.  Ferdousi has not had a CT scan for some time now.  Next week on March 28^th she will receive CT scans of her chest, abdomen & pelvic areas.  On March 30^th, my parents and sister will find out the results of those scans.  We’re all praying the new chemo regimen is helping to fight this extremely aggressive disease.  Ferdousi or I will provide an update to let you know the results next week.  Please keep the prayers, messages, and good wishes coming. 

On a happy note, we were all so glad that for one evening last week Ferdousi was feeling good and staying up to visit with family & friends.  It was the evening of Nadia’s baby shower (our little sister) and we weren’t sure how Ferdousi would feel that day.  She happened to be feeling well that evening (and also perhaps hiding her pain well).  She was up for hours talking and visiting with family and friends.  My parents were so happy to see this – their whole outlook each day is dependent on how Ferdousi is doing.  Another fun thing we did was to arrange for a Henna Artist to come to the house and put henna on Ferdousi’s hands.  It turned out just beautiful and Ferdousi was very happy about that.  

Lastly, before we left Michigan I gave my sister a goal.  She is to try to get herself as strong as possible so that we can do a cancer walk together on Memorial Day weekend.  It would be such a great achievement for her and make us all so happy.  That’s all for now.  I hope that next time I post an update it will be positive news. 

Good night,
~ Selina

Settling in Michigan

Hello friends and family,
I know it has been quite some time since I have posted, but today I found the energy to do so. I am trying to settle in with my parents. It seems strange being back home; I feel like a teenager without their energy. I m still trying to figure out how my daily activity should be. I feel limited at this moment with the constant abdominal pain and the constant need to go to the bathroom.

Since I have been here, my cousins come and stop by to see me. Some of them come and give me hand and foot massages. This has been so wonderful for my weak body. I want to reach out and thank all of them for being so kind and giving. I am blessed to have you guys in my life.

I want to thank Cliff for making me those wonderful brownies. I was very touched that you went out of your comfort zone and baked me something. I am blessed to have you in my life. Thank you for the posts and the brownies.


To all those who continue to post, email, text, and mail, I want to thank you. I feel connected and that makes me happy.

I am not too thrilled about my care here. The place I went last Friday was dirty and unwelcoming to say the least. I met with a fellow and not a real doctor. She was nice enough, but first thing they said until insurance kicks in no treatment where as in Mn they said let's take care of you and we will worry about insurance later. So basically my treatment has been delayed and will be until insurance comes through. My parents are of course worried with this delay. We are hoping and praying that soon insurance will kick in and I can begin my treatment.

Well, that's about it for now. Nothing to exciting. I ask that you keep me in your thoughts and prayers.

With love and admiration for all,
Ferdousi

From Minnesota to Michigan

Hello Everyone - I am so happy to let you know that Ferdousi is now in Michigan.  We were holding our breath until the last moment, praying that she would be well enough to travel.  She is at my parent's home and doing better than she has in the last few weeks.  Our heartfelt thanks for the help of Laurie, Chris, Sue & Fred last weekend for helping with the physical move of all of Ferdousi's furniture & belongings.  And of course thanks so much for all of the cousins, aunts and uncles who helped in Michigan.  We are so grateful for your generosity of time & energy.  I hope that Ferdousi will soon be feeling strong enough to post an update on her blog.  In the meantime, she is in the care of the world's most loving & patient mother and father that were ever created!  Ferdousi's medical care will now be in Michigan and her first appointment is this Friday.  She will resume chemotherapy next week.  Thanks for all your prayers and positive thoughts.
~ Selina

Ferdousi is back in the hospital again...

Hi Everyone,
After less than 3 weeks out of the hospital, Ferdousi is back in the hospital again.  She has a small intensine infection causing extremely difficult symptoms.  Mom & Dad took her to the doctor today and she was admitted to Abbott Northwestern.  They will give her antibiotics through an IV.  Her next chemo is this Wednesday.  We're praying that she doesn't have to stay very long at the hospital this time.  How much suffering does one person have to take?  Whatever God you pray to, please pray for my sister.  I know she also appreciates your cards, emails, texts, phone calls.  Let's keep reminding her how much we love her.
Selina

Finally out of the hospital...

I want to let everyone know that Ferdousi has been out of the hospital for 5 days now. She is grateful to be back in her home and is trying to slowly (very slowly) regain some strength. The nausea and pain are under control through medication. A nurse came to the apartment to show Mom and my sister how to give her saline through the IV in her port. She has to have the fluids every other day to stay hydrated. She'll go through chemo #3 on February 1st. I've been here for a couple of days and I have to tell you that when I saw my sister on Friday, I could not believe how tiny she looked. She's lost so much weight - she's down to 79 pounds. Now that she can keep her food down , hopefully she'll slowly start to gain some of the weight back. This chemo has caused a lot of hair loss so she decided to have her head shaved (thanks Chris). Mom has been knitting cute little hats to keep her head warm - I think shes made 3 so far. She looks like a tiny Sinead O'Connor. As tired as Ferdousi has been, when she is well-rested, she has some of her "spunk" back. You guys know exactly what I mean right? =). Keep sending those letters, emails, texts, etc. to share your thoughts, wishes, etc. Shes especially thankful for all those who came to Minneapolis to see her in the hospital - Paul, Sara (thanks for everything you did for my sister and for me!), Neda from Chicago, Janine from Calgary, Cara from Wisconsin, Rafique Uncle from Tennessee, Jahanara Khala, Imran Khalu, Ismat, Iffat, Farhat, Karen, Lori & Chris from Wisconsin (she was really touched by your visit). I know I'm forgetting names so please forgive me. I hope my sister will have the energy to post a blog soon.

My Sister's Journey...

Ferdousi has been at Abbott Northwestern Hospital for almost five weeks now.  A CT scan on December 25th showed the need to start another round of chemo as soon as possible.  She completed chemo #1 on December 29th.  Her second chemo was scheduled to be on January 11th, but was delayed due to a low blood count and then a high fever due to an infection.  She was also suffering from extreme nausea for such a long time.  It took a while for the doctors to control the nausea as well as the pain by continuoulsy adjusting various medications.  On top of that Ferdousi had to deal with the side-effects of the medications.  One of those side-effects was extreme sleepiness; I was with her on a few of those days where she dozed in and out and she most often dreamt of and spoke David's name.  David - if you're reading this, your mom loves & adores you so much!  I think one of the dreams she had was taking you camping (at least that's what I interpreted). 

Another CT scan on January 16th showed the need to start chemo #2 again as quickly as possible.  So, she went through the 46-hour chemotherapy starting on January 17.  Then on January 20th (yesterday), a blood test showed that she had an infection which attacks the small intestine.  She's receiving antibiotics for this and it is expected to get better. 

Our parents returned to Minnesota several weeks ago and go to the hospital each day.  If prayers alone could save a person, then surely the prayers of our mother & father would have healed my sister and she would be running another marathon somewhere in some exotic place. 

Lately Ferdousi has been able to eat a little better and sometimes mom cooks something special for her and brings it to the hospital.  The sad thing is that her taste buds have dulled so much that it's hard for her to taste & really enjoy anything. So, Ferdousi has been eating a little better than before, but it's not saying much.  She is down to less than 80 pounds now.   We are hopeful that if her nausea and pain continue to be under control, if she can drink and eat a bit more and regain her strength to start walking more often, that she may be able to leave the hospital the middle of next week.  She has some work to do to get there, but if anyone can do it, it is my sister.  I'm going to see her again in a few days and I can't wait to see my big sister, hug her, hold her hand....and maybe some of the incredible & amazing strength that she has in her little body will rub off on me. 

Selina
262.490.2436

more to come

This morning felt my hair as it came out in clumps. How sad and dreadful it seems. I knew with this second regiment of chemo it would, but I guess to what extend I did not know

Being this long in the hospital is becoming so boring and unfavorable to say the least.
Every morning is such a journey; do I feel pain, do I feel nauseated, do I feel dizzy, do I feel tired, etc. I am trying hard to keep it all going, but sometimes its not so easy. In those days I remind myself of the amazing people
that surround me.

I want to thank everyone who took the time to come see me. It was wonderful seeing you and spending some quality moments. To all others who have kept in touch in another manners I thank you too. Keep on doing exactly what you are doing.