Ferdousi in Hospital

All of our family and most of Ferdousi's close friends know this. My sister has been in the hospital for 11 of the last 13 days. As soon as my strong, adventurous, smart, kind and beautiful sister regains her strength, she will post an update on her blog. Please wish her strength and love in any way you can.

~ Selina
December 31, 2011

Happy Holidays and Excited New Year!

From my hospital bed, I wish everyone the best of the holidays. As I lay in the comforts of the hospital smelling sheets, I reflect on what a roller coaster of a year it has been on me and others.

Little did I know that to downsizing I would lose a job of almost 5 years. Unfortunately, in these times there really isn't any job security that we have left to believe in. From loss of a job, to being diagnosed with stage 4 colorectal cancer; Who would have thought that someone as young as myself with no history of cancer in the family, healthy person, and very little illness would be diagnosed.

This journey has certainly brought the kindness and connection of family, friends, and strangers toward me that I could never have imagined. Here I want to thank everyone who has reached out to me and provided me the comfort and generosity.

Being in the hospital has not been fun. It has taken away what little freedom I have left. I take each day as it comes. I pray that I can keep the little meals down. It's been difficult with the constant feeling of nausea. They keep me drugged up to prevent the nausea, but this isn't always successful.

The pain is another story. They are trying hard to maintain a balance with what is tolerable. This keeps me drugged up pretty much most of the day. I did make a little progress such that I am taking a third of this in a pill form while the rest is via IV.

The days are all mixed up. Sometimes I wake up thinking that it is night, only to find out that it's the middle of the day. The days and nights seem to intermingle one another. This throws me off balance and gets me disoriented.

Well, friends and family, I am exhausted just from writing this, so please forgive me as I sign off now.

Again my love and thanks to all who have kept in touch with me. I am ever more grateful.

Xoxo
Ferdousi

Happy Thanksgiving

Hi,
It's been a long time since I have written, so you are probably wondering how I am doing with the new treatment. I am ok. I wish I could say better, but unfortunately, the side effects have taken quite a toll on me. The pain from the radiation, the nausea, and fatigue can be quite unbearable at times. In those moments, I try to take my pain medication and try to sleep it off. It has not been easy, but again taking it one day at a time. Now other symptoms have started to creep in which is making it very difficult to sit for a long time. ok, enough about this and let's talk about something more rewarding.

Happy Thanksgiving!!!
I wanted to wish everyone a wonderful Thanksgiving and I wanted to take a moment to let each of you know how much I value your love and friendship. I am so grateful to have all of you in my life. Thank you for being my friend, my sister, my brother, my aunt, my uncle, my father, my mother, my love, my cousins, my son, and most of all my life. I could not have gone through this rough period of my life without your support and love:

David: To my son, who has always brought me such joy, thank you for being here for me and taking the time to come spend it with me. Every moment I cherish and savor until the next time we meet again. Thank you for your love and support. You are my world and I could never do without you.

Selina and Nadia: To my sisters, thank you for all your support and love. This journey would not be the same without the constant friendship and love I have received from both of you. Selina, thank you for being my right hand. I could not have organized my life without your help.

Mom and Dad: Thank you for your love and support. May God bless you and bring you the joy that you so deserve. I love you both very much.

My cousins: To all my cousins who keep in touch and provide the emotional support, I am so grateful. I love all of you very much.

My friends: How do I thank all of you. Since I have gotten sick I have found out who truly are my friends. I am so grateful for all of you, your love, and support. My days light up each time I receive a text, email, or call. Thank you for continuing to keep in touch with me. I cherish each moment.


If there is anyone else I have forgotten then please forgive me. I love you all and extremely grateful for your presence in my life.

Happy Halloween

David

A few good things have happened and I wanted to share them with you. I had an amazing weekend with my son, David, two weekends ago. We went to the Midwest's largest corn maze. It was a beautiful day to be outdoors.

David has grown so much, not just in height, but in maturity. He makes me so blessed to be his mother. We had a wonderful time just hanging out and taking it easy. We caught up on life and few good games of Chess ( I was finally able to beat him this time on one game and was very close on others).



After we came back from the maze trip. I made this delicious chicken dish and David carved pumpkins. After dinner, David served us delicious apple dessert that he made from scratch.





I am looking forward to the next time I will be with him. It will be so much fun as it was this time. He make me so happy and makes me smile. We laugh and have this amazing connection no matter how little I see him or how far apart we are. It always seems like we start back up from where we left off and feels as if no time has passed in between.


Radiation and Chemo

Well, soon I will begin the double regiment of radiation and chemo. I hope for the best, but has been advised by my doctors that I will not be able to travel for the next 6 weeks.
I am going to take it one day at a time as I have been doing so far.

I thank my family and friends who continue to keep in touch. It is always a ray of sunshine.

XOXO

A new chemo regimen

It's been a long time since I posted, but I thought I would wait until I had something to write about. The last few weeks I had trouble with pain and bleeding similar to what I felt before I started the chemo. We believe the stress of the last few weeks was a contributing factor in bringing these symptoms to surface again. The greatest stress I have been having is being caused by the x husband who has been making it very difficult to see my one and only son. He has been interfering with my visitation rights and not allowing me to see my son on a regular basis. This has caused a great deal of unnecessary stress both on my son and me. I had no choice but to hire a lawyer to address this issue. It is very unfortunate that it had to come to this as this has caused unnecessary financial burden on my family and I.

Well, as a result of the new symptoms, I have had to go to the doctors for blood tests, have a procedure called flexible endoscopy performed, and then a meeting with my oncologist.

The result of the meeting with my doctor is that I will begin a new chemo regimen with a new pill drug and restart my mirlax/collace regiment. I will also be meeting with radiation oncology team to began discussion on when to start the radiation therapy. In this meeting they will discuss the side effects of radiation and what I should expect from this treatment. The good news is that with radiation therapy and chemo therapy together we might be able to eliminate the tumor that still exists.

The new drug and radiation therapy have quite a lot of side effects that has me a bit scared. The biggest symptom that the new drug will cause is rashes on my hands and feet that might make them unable to use. I will have to keep a close watch on this. The other side effects are a mile long and I am hoping that they will not affect me too much. It is hard to say, but I will be hoping for the best.



Because of all the stress last few weeks, we went up north camping/fishing for a few days. It was absolutely breath taking and peaceful.
This week, my dear friend, Allison came to see me and take me to my doctor appointments. It was wonderful seeing her. I will soon be an aunt as she is due in March. I am so excited for her.



To all those who continue to communicate with me on a regular basis, I am extremely grateful. Thank you for your text messages, pictures, sharing your life, letters, cards, and phone calls.

I am truly bless to have you all in my life.

Til next time; to health, family, and friends.

A new chemo regimen

It's been a long time since I posted, but I thought I would wait until I had something to write about. The last few weeks I had trouble with pain and bleeding similar to what I felt before I started the chemo. We believe the stress of the last few weeks was a contributing factor in bringing these symptoms to surface again. The greatest stress I have been having is being caused by the x husband who has been making it very difficult to see my one and only son. He has been interfering with my visitation rights and not allowing me to see my son on a regular basis. This has caused a great deal of unnecessary stress both on my son and me. I had no choice but to hire a lawyer to address this issue. It is very unfortunate that it had to come to this as this has caused unnecessary financial burden on my family and I.

Well, as a result of the new symptoms, I have had to go to the doctors for blood tests, have a procedure called flexible endoscopy performed, and then a meeting with my oncologist.

The result of the meeting with my doctor is that I will begin a new chemo regimen with a new pill drug and restart my mirlax/collace regiment. I will also be meeting with radiation oncology team to began discussion on when to start the radiation therapy. In this meeting they will discuss the side effects of radiation and what I should expect from this treatment. The good news is that with radiation therapy and chemo therapy together we might be able to eliminate the tumor that still exists.

The new drug and radiation therapy have quite a lot of side effects that has me a bit scared. The biggest symptom that the new drug will cause is rashes on my hands and feet that might make them unable to use. I will have to keep a close watch on this. The other side effects are a mile long and I am hoping that they will not affect me too much. It is hard to say, but I will be hoping for the best.



Because of all the stress the last few weeks, we went up north camping/fishing for a few days. It was absolutely breath taking and peaceful.
This week, my dear friend, Allison came to see me and take me to my doctor appointments. It was wonderful seeing her. I will soon be an aunt as she is due in March. I am so excited for her.



To all those who continue to communicate with me on a regular basis with me, I am extremely grateful. Thank you for your text messages, pictures, sharing your life, letters, cards, and phone calls.

I am truly bless to have you all in my life.

Til next time; to health, family, and friends.

New Home

Dear friends and family, I wanted to share my new home address. I have rented a peaceful, efficient apartment in Mound,MN. It has a small town atmosphere which I like very much and hope to get involved in the community. As of Saturday, September 17, 2011, my new address will be as follows:

2360 Commerce blvd
apt#106
Mound, MN 55346
612-916-3836

Any time after Saturday, please use my new address for mailing and visits.

Chemo 6: A new sensation

Well folks, made it through another chemo session. This one has left me feeling more nauseated than the others. It is forcing me to take my nausea medication more often. This chemo has brought on another strange sensation; my mouth is now very sensitive to cold like my hands and feet. I can no longer taste anything. It is as if it never existed; everything tastes bland. I am not liking this sensation at all especially since I love food and love to eat different variety of food. I tried spicing it up with hot sauce, but that only left me with heartburn.

My hands and feet are still having issues where I cannot feel them or they become painful especially in the morning when it is cold. I look silly, but I wear gloves through out the day. Even now as I type this, I feel my fingers going numb and the pain hitting me.

The mouth issue is rather interesting. I have to make sure that the food and beverages must be at room temperature or else icicles forms in my mouth, starting at the tip.

As always, I am taking it one day at a time. This seems to work for the best. If I can make it through one day, I can look forward to the next.

Today, is an ok day. My morning started out with nausea and bit of headache. After getting past this and the stress, I was able to get my gloves on to protect my hand so it would function normally.

I am spending the day helping a friend at one of his jobs. It's interesting learning about plumbing. Who knows I might learn a thing or two :) I think I am enjoying the children at this house more. They are very fascinating and sweet. The boy is ten years old,name Cherokee and his sister couple of years older name Ruby. Since I miss my boy a lot, I love the fact that these kids cling to me in ways. It makes me miss David just a little less.

I guess that's all for now. Thanks again for all your support and love.

Chemo 5: Neuropathy sets in

It has become a routine to get my chemo now a days. I expect similar symptoms each time, but do notice that some things are improving. The nausea I used to feel has greatly decreased. With this latest chemo I did not throw up at all. This is definitely a good sign. I am as always exhausted by this ordeal. I spend Monday through Thursday at the hospital at least for 5 hours or more hours each day.

The side effect of one of the drugs are increasingly becoming rather tiresome. When exposed to cold, my fingertips and toes become extremely painful sometime to a point where I am unable to use them. This morning at the Minneapolis Farmers Market, I went to get money out to pay and my fingers cramped. I had a hard time using them. Today was also some what cold and my toes felt like icicles.

I have 2 more chemo sessions on the calendar and then another CT scan to see if I am making more improvements or not. We will then determine what course of action next to take. I know that if this neuropathy continues down this road, I will need to switch to another chemo drug otherwise the damages will become permanent.

I am missing my son, David, very much. I cannot believe he will be 16 years old soon. Where does time fly? It only seemed liked yesterday I was changing his diapers.

I think about how fortunate I am to have a son like him. He is the most amazing, caring, compassionate boy his age I know of. He has turned into this respectful young man. Handsome as ever with a charm to follow the looks. That boy is going to break hearts :). I am so proud of him. David, you are my miracle and a gift from the Heavens.

I want to shout out to all my friends who are reaching out to me and coming to visit me. All of you are amazing and I am so grateful for your friendship and love. I am so blessed to have so many who care. Thank you!

To my sister Selina, I want to thank you for all you are doing for me. I could not do this without you. You are an incredibly strong woman and I am so lucky to have you by my side through this ordeal.

To the rest of my family, thank you for staying in touch and helping.

Love you all!

Chemo 4

Monday of this week was my chemo 4. With the past weekend having quite a bit of excitement, it seems I need the care of the chemo and all else that went with it. This chemo was as hard as all the others, but I seem to feel much better after each one. I have only managed to throw up only twice. This is such an improvement.

I also has some good news after my CT scan results. I have been informed that things are shrinking and chemo is doing it's job. We will continue chemo for another 6 weeks and then determine what course of action we will need to take.
I was able to spend 1.3 days with my son David, it was the most fun time I had with him. We had a good time and had a good talk. He has turned into an amazing young man. He is so compassionate and understanding. We went to Taylors Falls. We had a great time walking and hiking around. He was so playful and lot of fun. He made me smile and laugh. David also gave me a very soft tiger pillow that now I sleep with every day and night.

My sister, Selina and her boys (Russell, 13, and Elliot,10) came to stay along with my wonderful friend from Atlanta, GA, Lisa Ryan. It was good to see the boys that I have not seen forever it seems. I feel as if they are my own. They are so amazing and talented kids. I'm so proud of them.

I am grateful for all the people who have taken the time to visit me. It has been such a blessing. Sometimes it gets quite lonely, these voids are filled when my friends and family come to see me. It makes me feel as if I am part of life out there and not simply weathering away sitting in my flat all day and night. I can't thank you enough all. God bless all of you.

Chemo 3: Made it

Well, I had my chemo # 3 the other day. I wasn't sure how it was going to be as I had been feeling quite weak. It wasn't as bad since the next day I was able to go for fluids. This seem to have helped a bit. I am quite fatigued by it all. Last night was bad as I threw up quite a bit. This is always the worst. My throat hurt a lot and now it is difficult for me to swallow anything.

This week went by so fast that I forget what day it is. I seem to forget a lot these days. I guess they call it "chemo brain". Not sure I like this.

Last week and weekend I had the pleasure of my friends visiting me. I want to thank Paul and Chris from Platteville, WI. Thanks so much for taking care of me during the week. Thanks for being the first to take me out of my cave.

To my friend, Kelly and her kids, thanks for making Saturday so fun and memorable. I enjoyed the kids as if they were my own. Thanks for making the time on your long journey to stop by (from New York onward to California).

To my buddy, Jon and his lovely wife Melenee, thanks for making my place a home. Thanks for coming all the way from New York just to spend some time with me. It was wonderful connecting. Thanks for all you did for me and my home.

I have my parents this week to take care of me and it has been nice. I want to thank them for their unconditional love and support.

Ferdousi: My Angel

Ok, so get this, I am suppose to keep track of the amount of calories I intake per day. I got this awesome app that my little sister, Nadia, put on my phone. It works great except when I throw up what I eat. So I am thinking this is how the calculation should go: Calorie based on the food eaten - weight of food thrown up (calculate the calories) - the liquid thrown up etc. ect. Ok, someone built me an app for this, just thinking about it gives me an headache. So in conclusion I have given up tracking my calories. I am just grateful when I can keep the food I have eaten inside me.

So, how am I these days? with the help of spending 2 hours every other day at the hospital getting fluids and stuff has helped me to keep most of my food down. It been a few good days so far. The little blessings in life :)
The pain never goes away, but I am managing it for the time being. Tonight was a hard night (battling the pain that is).

This weekend I have had the pleasure of spending time with a 4 year old angel, Emily. I am hooked on her already. She is the lovely daughter of one of my best friend, Jeff and his wife Melissa. She has brought great joy in the last couples of days. She says we are best buddies now. It's been also great catching up on old time with my buddy.

Today, we went in the backyard by the lake and Em feed the ducks and their ducklings. It was so cute watching her. She was not afraid to get dirty or anything. And she is a talker. I just love listening to her talk about anything and everything. She is so intelligent and perceptive. She is truly an angel.

Well, I must try to catch some Zs. To all my friends and family I love you all and thanks for being by my side no matter the distance that separates us physically. You are all close to my heart each and every day.

Ferdousi: Yesterday's Sorrow

As I recall back to yesterday, all I can think of is my morning throwing up sessions and thinking I am not going to make it today. I was so tempted to call 911 and let them just take me to the hospital, but a friend came to the rescue. He helped stabilize me so that I could function the remainder of the day.

All you gals and guys better watch out, I have a new best friend in town, it's call the toilet. I think I hug this thing more often than any person I have in a long time. My toilet doesn't even have a cool name, some generic brand. Now how cool would it be if I said I am hugging my "flash o matic 2000, supercharger". Now that would be something to talk about :).

By late evening I was able to even take a small walk to the lake and half way back. We sat near the lake and just talked about incidents in our past that linked us. It was interesting and fun to be doing something other than talk about my illness.

Today,I managed to throw up a few times this morning. This kind of ruins the day as I feel extremely tired and out of place. I am trying to keep hydrated. It's a bit hard to do as my mouth and throat are a bit sore from throwing up so much.

My focus on anything is so short lived. I get tired talking to anyone for more than 2 minutes, I get tired typing or when I text, I can't read my books that I so want to read, I can't focus watching TV or anything.

I am trying to keep a positive outlook in hopes that after a few more Chemo,things will start feeling and looking better.

I want to thank everyone for their prayers and best wishes. It is nice to see this and keeps my mood high. For all my friends and family who have come here and taken care of me, please note that I could not have done without you. I am blessed and lucky to have you in my life.

Ferdousi: Discharge Complete

It's Monday, July 11 and I am completely unhooked from any cables or wires. It is a good feeling. Sunday, the nurse actually came to the house and unhooked me. I felt so exhausted. It did not help that the humidity outside was unbearable.

I seem to be extremely tired all the time. Saturday, was a blur and Sunday felt about the same. I cannot seem to focus on anything for very long. It is a shame as I have been given wonderful books and magazines to read.

My abdominal pain seem to be getting worse. I find myself taking the 5mg pain killers more often that I should which I don't like.

Today, I am hoping for a haze-free day. The energy level is low so I will have to try working with that a bit and see how it goes.

Today, my orchid that a friend gave some time ago had a bud that finally bloomed. It looks so beautiful.

Well, I am getting a bit sleepy and tired so till next time.

Have a wonderful and beautiful day! Lot of love to everyone.

XOXO

Ferdousi: Chemo #2

Rina and her new, soft blanky...

Friday started with a hitch - I was a little bit nauseous just before breakfast. But I was determined to get chemo done today. So I waited a bit and then slowly ate a whole 3 tablespoons of Cream of Wheat and was able to keep it down - a good sign that the day might go well ! My friend Tara, visiting from San Fran, drove me to the Oncology clinic around 7:45 a.m. I was touch & go in the car. Good thing I had my bag with me, but I didn't need it. Checked in and 30 min later the nurse called me in to take the blood sample. As we walked back to the lab I was concerned that when they accessed the port that it would be painful like last time. I took a deep breath and put it out of my mind - hopefully the local anesthetic that I had applied would help. Luckily Tara and I could get chairs side by side. When they took the blood at the port I felt numb - no pain !

30-40 min later we got the good news - white blood cell count still a bit low, but "close enough" to do chemo. So first came the nausea medicine -3 types (emend, decadron, & axoli) - all delivered intravenously. After a 45 minute wait came the chemo (oxaliplatin 2 hrs). Then the pump was filled with a drug referred to as 5-FU, and was connected to my port. The pump will continue to administer the drug for 46 hours. The pump is the size of a bottle of water and I carry it on my shoulder or on a belt around my waist. It gets in the way, but lets me be at home or go out and about while the chemo treatment continues.

Tara stayed for most of the day and then left to catch her flight home.

Tara - thanks for coming all the way from San Fran. You are an amazing woman. My soft blanky and amazingly soft socks really helped my get through the after affects of chemo #2. Having you here meant a lot - your love, encouragement and support really help.

A friend brought me home around 2:30. I was excited to get home as David & Chuck were coming to help take care of me this weekend.

I love you all !

Ferdousi: Second Chemo

Today, I went to get my second chemotherapy. I was ready as I had a great weekend and had spend time trying to gain some weight. I spend lot of time tracking what I ate and made sure that I was getting at least 1270 calories per day.

My sister, Selina, took me to the doctor. The first thing we did was get my weight checked, and then blood drawn. They connected to my new port to draw the blood. It was the most painful experience. The nurse did not get it quite right and had to jam it in further. The pain was unbearable.

Next, we were taken to see Dr. Leach to talk about the blood results. He informed us that I could not get my chemo today, because my white blood cell counts were too low. This was rather disappointing news.

He gave me a booster shot to help increase the white blood cell counts and reschedule the session.

I should have sense something was wrong as on Monday, I was not feeling well and then I could not keep down any food prior to the chemo session today. When they weighed me, I had actually lost 4 pounds.

Well, let's see what happens on Friday. Hope we can complete the second session and move forward with some success.

I want to thank everyone that have been very supportive via phone, e-mail, text, facebook, and coming to help me in person.

I had an awesome sister weekend! Thanks Nadia and Selina. You guys made my weekend.

Love you all!

Visting

I will be visiting Rina apu this weekend. I am very excited to see her! :) Can't wait <3

Wednesday, June 29,2011

The day started out a bit slow as the night before I had thrown up quite a bit. This action seems to have left me quite fatigued. I ended up taking naps all day long and decided to take my NP advise that I should have my quick release pain pill every hour. This seem to have helped, but now I am wondering if it did more damage than initially anticipated. I needed up throwing up badly twice by 9 pm. I have been trying to eat, but my appetite has not been there lately. I have had to force myself to eat through out the day as much as possible. It has been difficult.

The day our lives changed forever...

On Thursday, June 16th 2011, our lives changed forever.  After two days at Abbott Northwestern Hospital in Minneapolis, Minnesota, our sister Rina (Ferdousi) was diagnosed with Stage IV Colon Cancer. 

-- Selina & Nadia