Chemo 3: Made it

Well, I had my chemo # 3 the other day. I wasn't sure how it was going to be as I had been feeling quite weak. It wasn't as bad since the next day I was able to go for fluids. This seem to have helped a bit. I am quite fatigued by it all. Last night was bad as I threw up quite a bit. This is always the worst. My throat hurt a lot and now it is difficult for me to swallow anything.

This week went by so fast that I forget what day it is. I seem to forget a lot these days. I guess they call it "chemo brain". Not sure I like this.

Last week and weekend I had the pleasure of my friends visiting me. I want to thank Paul and Chris from Platteville, WI. Thanks so much for taking care of me during the week. Thanks for being the first to take me out of my cave.

To my friend, Kelly and her kids, thanks for making Saturday so fun and memorable. I enjoyed the kids as if they were my own. Thanks for making the time on your long journey to stop by (from New York onward to California).

To my buddy, Jon and his lovely wife Melenee, thanks for making my place a home. Thanks for coming all the way from New York just to spend some time with me. It was wonderful connecting. Thanks for all you did for me and my home.

I have my parents this week to take care of me and it has been nice. I want to thank them for their unconditional love and support.

Ferdousi: My Angel

Ok, so get this, I am suppose to keep track of the amount of calories I intake per day. I got this awesome app that my little sister, Nadia, put on my phone. It works great except when I throw up what I eat. So I am thinking this is how the calculation should go: Calorie based on the food eaten - weight of food thrown up (calculate the calories) - the liquid thrown up etc. ect. Ok, someone built me an app for this, just thinking about it gives me an headache. So in conclusion I have given up tracking my calories. I am just grateful when I can keep the food I have eaten inside me.

So, how am I these days? with the help of spending 2 hours every other day at the hospital getting fluids and stuff has helped me to keep most of my food down. It been a few good days so far. The little blessings in life :)
The pain never goes away, but I am managing it for the time being. Tonight was a hard night (battling the pain that is).

This weekend I have had the pleasure of spending time with a 4 year old angel, Emily. I am hooked on her already. She is the lovely daughter of one of my best friend, Jeff and his wife Melissa. She has brought great joy in the last couples of days. She says we are best buddies now. It's been also great catching up on old time with my buddy.

Today, we went in the backyard by the lake and Em feed the ducks and their ducklings. It was so cute watching her. She was not afraid to get dirty or anything. And she is a talker. I just love listening to her talk about anything and everything. She is so intelligent and perceptive. She is truly an angel.

Well, I must try to catch some Zs. To all my friends and family I love you all and thanks for being by my side no matter the distance that separates us physically. You are all close to my heart each and every day.

Ferdousi: Yesterday's Sorrow

As I recall back to yesterday, all I can think of is my morning throwing up sessions and thinking I am not going to make it today. I was so tempted to call 911 and let them just take me to the hospital, but a friend came to the rescue. He helped stabilize me so that I could function the remainder of the day.

All you gals and guys better watch out, I have a new best friend in town, it's call the toilet. I think I hug this thing more often than any person I have in a long time. My toilet doesn't even have a cool name, some generic brand. Now how cool would it be if I said I am hugging my "flash o matic 2000, supercharger". Now that would be something to talk about :).

By late evening I was able to even take a small walk to the lake and half way back. We sat near the lake and just talked about incidents in our past that linked us. It was interesting and fun to be doing something other than talk about my illness.

Today,I managed to throw up a few times this morning. This kind of ruins the day as I feel extremely tired and out of place. I am trying to keep hydrated. It's a bit hard to do as my mouth and throat are a bit sore from throwing up so much.

My focus on anything is so short lived. I get tired talking to anyone for more than 2 minutes, I get tired typing or when I text, I can't read my books that I so want to read, I can't focus watching TV or anything.

I am trying to keep a positive outlook in hopes that after a few more Chemo,things will start feeling and looking better.

I want to thank everyone for their prayers and best wishes. It is nice to see this and keeps my mood high. For all my friends and family who have come here and taken care of me, please note that I could not have done without you. I am blessed and lucky to have you in my life.

Ferdousi: Discharge Complete

It's Monday, July 11 and I am completely unhooked from any cables or wires. It is a good feeling. Sunday, the nurse actually came to the house and unhooked me. I felt so exhausted. It did not help that the humidity outside was unbearable.

I seem to be extremely tired all the time. Saturday, was a blur and Sunday felt about the same. I cannot seem to focus on anything for very long. It is a shame as I have been given wonderful books and magazines to read.

My abdominal pain seem to be getting worse. I find myself taking the 5mg pain killers more often that I should which I don't like.

Today, I am hoping for a haze-free day. The energy level is low so I will have to try working with that a bit and see how it goes.

Today, my orchid that a friend gave some time ago had a bud that finally bloomed. It looks so beautiful.

Well, I am getting a bit sleepy and tired so till next time.

Have a wonderful and beautiful day! Lot of love to everyone.

XOXO

Ferdousi: Chemo #2

Rina and her new, soft blanky...

Friday started with a hitch - I was a little bit nauseous just before breakfast. But I was determined to get chemo done today. So I waited a bit and then slowly ate a whole 3 tablespoons of Cream of Wheat and was able to keep it down - a good sign that the day might go well ! My friend Tara, visiting from San Fran, drove me to the Oncology clinic around 7:45 a.m. I was touch & go in the car. Good thing I had my bag with me, but I didn't need it. Checked in and 30 min later the nurse called me in to take the blood sample. As we walked back to the lab I was concerned that when they accessed the port that it would be painful like last time. I took a deep breath and put it out of my mind - hopefully the local anesthetic that I had applied would help. Luckily Tara and I could get chairs side by side. When they took the blood at the port I felt numb - no pain !

30-40 min later we got the good news - white blood cell count still a bit low, but "close enough" to do chemo. So first came the nausea medicine -3 types (emend, decadron, & axoli) - all delivered intravenously. After a 45 minute wait came the chemo (oxaliplatin 2 hrs). Then the pump was filled with a drug referred to as 5-FU, and was connected to my port. The pump will continue to administer the drug for 46 hours. The pump is the size of a bottle of water and I carry it on my shoulder or on a belt around my waist. It gets in the way, but lets me be at home or go out and about while the chemo treatment continues.

Tara stayed for most of the day and then left to catch her flight home.

Tara - thanks for coming all the way from San Fran. You are an amazing woman. My soft blanky and amazingly soft socks really helped my get through the after affects of chemo #2. Having you here meant a lot - your love, encouragement and support really help.

A friend brought me home around 2:30. I was excited to get home as David & Chuck were coming to help take care of me this weekend.

I love you all !

Ferdousi: Second Chemo

Today, I went to get my second chemotherapy. I was ready as I had a great weekend and had spend time trying to gain some weight. I spend lot of time tracking what I ate and made sure that I was getting at least 1270 calories per day.

My sister, Selina, took me to the doctor. The first thing we did was get my weight checked, and then blood drawn. They connected to my new port to draw the blood. It was the most painful experience. The nurse did not get it quite right and had to jam it in further. The pain was unbearable.

Next, we were taken to see Dr. Leach to talk about the blood results. He informed us that I could not get my chemo today, because my white blood cell counts were too low. This was rather disappointing news.

He gave me a booster shot to help increase the white blood cell counts and reschedule the session.

I should have sense something was wrong as on Monday, I was not feeling well and then I could not keep down any food prior to the chemo session today. When they weighed me, I had actually lost 4 pounds.

Well, let's see what happens on Friday. Hope we can complete the second session and move forward with some success.

I want to thank everyone that have been very supportive via phone, e-mail, text, facebook, and coming to help me in person.

I had an awesome sister weekend! Thanks Nadia and Selina. You guys made my weekend.

Love you all!